I'm home now and I'm getting better every day. Every day is marked with another small achievement.
My little boy comes home tomorrow, and damn if I'm not going to smother him with all the kisses and cuddles I have stored up.
I have such an ache in my bones from missing him. From missing his warm milky breath in the mornings, those tiny chubby hands reaching around my neck for a cuddle, his constant chatter describing his world. I can't wait to hear him telling me 'very much', our secret code for 'I love you very much'.
They tell me we can try to have another baby in 6 weeks or so. That's all, six weeks. I'm pretty sure we're not going to do that. There is still healing to be done, many steps to take.
But first we need to find a way, a private way, to say goodbye to our christmas baby.