A place where lazy bloggers can come and feel better about themselves. The rest of you are welcome too.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Oh noes. I'm treating this place like it's Facebook.

Here you go folks - 10 updates that very nearly went on Facebook until I reminded myself that going from 104 'friends' to 103 almost killed me and that if I continue spamming people with my life then they will leeeeeeaaaaaave meeeeeeeeee:

10: I regret telling Remy about Santa. Suddenly I realise that Santa gets the credit for the stuff I buy. Eff off Santa - if you want the credit, you buy the bloody presents.

9. I have a new favourite song and when I have a new favourite song I listen to it 73 hundred million times in a row. It's so I can get all the goodness out of it. Boyfriend on the other hand has a new least-favourite-ever-in-his-life song that he has listened to 73 hundred million times...

8. Remy's current career-of-choice - Giraffe. One that eats people.

7. Coming in at close second is stuntman. It's not clear yet if he will be a stuntman who also eats people.

6. Do not follow this link unless you are happy to lose hours (and hours and hours) of your life. And definitely do not look at this one. I warned you.

5.When I was little and had trouble going to sleep my mother would say "Don't worry, we're not going to have fun without you". Now that I am a parent myself, I'd like to point out that my mother is a LIAR.

4. Sewing win! I made a car seat cover. And I only swore ... well, I only swore all the time but maybe if I'd been trying harder not to swear I wouldn't have had the energy to finish the car seat cover?

3. Uh oh... I can feel a NEW FAVOURITE SONG coming on... are you ready boyfriend? Boyfriend? Hello?

2. I was at the dentist and had Remy there with me. Remy asked the dentist if he had to go to school for a long time to become a dentist. His answer? "Not as long as a vet". Comforting.

1. Me: I love you.
Remy: Yeah. Look at this booger.

PS Would you like to listen to an awesome song? Here, try this:

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


some nights are like this
nights when a girl is reading a funny blog
when she remembers
all of a sudden
that it wasn't very long ago
that she was pregnant
with a much loved and longed-for baby
and the baby died
and no matter what she wishes for
her baby is gone.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

It was a godamned cockroach!

There are things that I am neither physiologically nor psychologically equipped for. This (extensive) list includes:

10. Joining the army. For a start, I hear that yelling back at those blokes who get all up in your business is a no no.

9. Attending events where no alcohol is served.

8. Modelling.

7. Farming.

6. Pest Control.

5. The Olympics. But I swear to god the minute I find a sport that requires absolutely no effort, skill or talent, I'm in there.

4. Optimism.

3. Having the volume on the telly set to an uneven number. What? Of course this is normal. Well, within the bounds of normal. At least I'm not as bad as the flatmate I once had who could only watch the channels that were on prime numbers.

2. Poker face.

1. Finding a cockroach in the iron. See photo for revolting evidence of what happened at my house today:

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Things that almost made it into my Facebook status updates this week

Sometimes my friends have no idea how considerate I am to them. This week alone I managed to (almost) stop myself from spamming them about my life via Facebook*. You, dear blog reader, have not been so lucky.

The 10 things I might have said on Facebook had some pesky sense of control not got in the way:

10. Remy is completely convinced that we do not drink cow's milk, instead we drink human's milk. It makes me picture human milking sheds. This alone is almost enough to turn me from flat whites to espressos.

9. Why was the farmer so specific about not shampooing the lamb? Why did he ban me from making her clothes? Does he give these instructions to everyone who looks after a lamb for him?

8. I don't have an attention span long enough to watch TV anymore. Not even the ads. What's next? That I won't be able to concentrate all the way through a blink?

7. Shut up body. I walked the 500 metres to the dairy. It wasn't a freaking hike up Everest.

6. Motherhood is not a good enough excuse for not showering. Ok, maybe it was when Remy was a screaming infant, but not now that the child is 3.

5. I have watched two rugby games in the past 8 weeks. I am the world's greatest girlfriend.

4. I stormed into the house of the people suspected of burgling my house and yelled at them. The Police have since reassured me that, while they are not the type of crims to stab me while I sleep, I should probably not do it again just in case. Good point Gov.

3. But the farmer didn't mention not painting the lambs hooves with pink nail polish... Megan 1, Farmer 0

2. When I casually mentioned to my mother that I was going to Wellington for the night while Remy had a sleep-over at a friend's house she gasped "But what if he wakes up? Don't do it Megan!" in the exact same tone she would use if I had said that I was leaving Remy with a pack of wolves for a week. In Christchurch. With no emergency survival kit. That woman never wants me to have any fun.

1. Looks like I'll never play Trivial Pursuit ever again. Boyfriend is a doctor and it turns out they have to know stuff. Like, lots of stuff. I'm pretty sure second year of med school must be entirely focused on memorising the cards from the Trivial Pursuit: Genius Edition.

*Is there such a thing as 'a little spamming'? Or is it like being pregnant - either you are or you aren't? If there is such a thing, then I did it. I spammed them a little bit.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

5ives: The silver lining of unemployment

1. I can write anything I want on my blog and not get fired.

2. When people ask if I'm free for coffee the answer is always Yes, Yes, Yes.

3. Sick days are just like all other days... just with more, um, sickness.

4. It's almost impossible for me to put on weight because I can't afford the junk food required.

5. I get to watch my beautiful boy growing and learning everyday. Awwww.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

What a difference a day makes

For a while there, I wasn't sure I'd get out of this alive. Things went from bad to worse, and then worse than worse.

All of that has changed. I'm so happy. I have a beautiful son, I'm dating a gorgeous man, and I have the dearest, sweetest, most patient friends and family. I'm a very lucky girl.

I'm so ridiculously happy that I can barely stand my own company.

In upcoming posts:
- Remy is about to turn 3.
- Turning a 5 buck jacket into a million dollars.
- Small town life.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

It's been 2 months since the ripping-a-bandaid-off-at-high-speed ending of my relationship.

Does it hurt in the split second after the bandaid is removed? Because it bloody well hurts in the moments after.

I've been on auto-pilot until today. Just getting on with getting on and thinking of the million ways I could see the silver lining. And then I revisited this post on the blog of the darling, inimitable Sas. And, for only the second time since he left, I cried that cry; the one that leaves my stomach hurting, my face red and swollen, the one that gets the toxic ick out.

But this is good, right? It's good to grieve, to lament the loss of dreams and a whole world. Right?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

An oh so cheerie update

Hello again dear people.

I was in the neighbourhood, so I thought I'd drop in and say hi. How are you? All ok?

All is well here. Actually, all is great here. Remy and I are having a lovely time together and things are going swimmingly.

There is the possibility of a new (very part-time) job in a pretty wee shop and I seem to be accumulating the most wonderful collection of new friends.

I've been concentrating on what a lucky person I am, and it's definitely helping. I've never been a pollyanna sort, but looking for the positives at a time when things are hard is helping me keep my chin up. And I feel like I am attracting even more luck.

The only thing missing in my life is a computer... but I'm working on that and I can just tell that something good is around the corner.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Well.... hello there!

Wohoo! I have a child-free hour in which to do the most outrageous things... like catch up with emails. This is me living life on the edge.

I've also been quiet of late because Jules and I have separated. Yes, it's messy. Yes, it's stressful. But Remy and I are having fun hanging out together and we're doing well.

I'm going to stay in this darling little town. I've only been here 2ish months, but I have met some wonderful people and Rems has made some darling little friends. Also, the weather is astonishingly warm. I roast in the hot, hot sun most days and I love it.

2009 was simply the worst year of my life. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. And then the things I thought couldn't go wrong, went wrong. What a horrid time I've had.

But you know what, this year has seen my luck turn for the better. So far I've won an iceblock, bought fabulous shoes for far less than the price on them (they were on sale and I didn't know about it), my car broke down outside the house of a man who happened to be a mechanic and he fixed my car for FREE, and the DVD shop gave me a couple of DVDs for free.

This is going to be a grrrrrrrreat year.