A place where lazy bloggers can come and feel better about themselves. The rest of you are welcome too.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's all gone down the pan

Tonight, while I was doing something irresponsible and hedonistic like THE LAUNDRY, Remy climbed into the toilet. Yep, both feet were right down the bog.

I would have taken a photo because it looked very funny, but I was so appalled by the thought of every new disease he was catching every extra second he was in there that I just quietly lifted him out and put him in the bath.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

10: things I'd like to know the answer to but can't be bothered researching

1. Does hair grow faster in summertime? Specifically, I'd like to know if leg hair grows faster in summer.
2. How could I have gone so long before discovering SEXY PEOPLE? (Thanks Small Town Stories).
3. Will watching the E! Channel erode my IQ?
4. Does lipstick go off? If not, why does the Dior lipstick I bought about, um, 4 years ago smell funny all of a sudden?
5. Are there really no sex workers in Oamaru?
6. What is the best answer to give when someone tells me to "Smile! It's not that bad"?
7. Was the telly programme Dead Like Me cancelled?
8. Why does my voice sound different in my head than out loud?
9. What should I do when someone I don't like or don't know asks to be my friend on Facebook?
10. Who is stealing all my broadband allowance? Surely 10 mega-pixel-giga-hertz of broadband per month can't run out as quickly as it does in my house without something dodgy going on.

How to please a girl in 2 easy steps

1. Sandwich two marshmallows between two chocolate thins.

2. Pop into the microwave for 12 seconds.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Sew/Sow: day number something or other

I've started on the piece of embroidery that I like to refer to as The Manic Bird. And here is a photo, TA DA:

I've used satin stitch for the green leaves, and on the blue ones I've used a little-known stitch called Eeni Meenie Minee Mo Where the Hell Should the Next Stitch Go. It's based loosely on Long and Short Stitch which I'm (clearly) yet to master. I guess that's what all this practice is about though...

As a recovering perfectionist, I struggle with the business of learning. In my younger days if I couldn't do something perfectly the first time I tried it, I'd just give up. Now that I'm older and, well, just older really, I'm teaching myself to keep trying and to remember that practice is an important step, not a sign of failure.

This is one of the many things that's important to me that Remy does differently from me. And I know that I have to model this stuff for him.

You know, before Remy came along, I knew how influential I would be in his development but I never expected that he would be such a powerful force in developing me...

Where was I? That's right. Isn't this going to be pretty?

10: The Remy edition

This week Remy:

1. ate, then pooed, charcoal. Yum.

2. said 'ouch' every time I cut one of his toenails or fingernails. There were a lot of ouches.

3. went to bed at 9.30pm three nights in a row.

4. spent the day naked three days in a row.

5. started throwing himself in and out of the bath.

6. danced. A lot.

7. watered the garden. And himself.

8. ran outside to pee twice.

9. discovered the ice cream in the freezer (at least it's an improvement from gnawing on frozen mince).

10. Came to visit me at work for a few minutes. In that time, he almost flooded the executive office. Oops.

Bad news, good news, great news.

I'm sorry that I've been a bit quiet of late. I've had work-related stuff going on and have generally been pretty miserable. The good news is that I made an important and positive decision today and am feeling a whole heap better.

I've got some cool crafty things to share soon. I just have to get myself organised enough to take photos...

And soon I'll tell y'all about the most amazing wedding I was lucky to be part of last week. Wow, did that wedding rock.

So there's been some rough stuff, but now there is a whole lotta bright stuff. Yay.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

10 Crap TV programmes I'll probably tell you I'm giving up this year but that I'll continue watching anyway

1. Bridezillas
2. Deal or No Deal
3. Wheel of Fortune
4. My Sweet Sixteen
5. Beauty and the Geek
6. Girls of the Playboy Mansion
7. Monk
8. Neighbours at War
9. Isn't that enough already?
10. No, really, aren't you shocked at the 8 programmes I've listed? Do you need another 2?

Friday, January 9, 2009

I just love the juxtaposition

I used to be a little OCD about checking out my stats; now I just check them out when I can be bothered. Don't know what changed because I haven't relaxed any of my other OCD tendencies. Maybe I'm now at peace with the fact that all my readers are related to me?

Today I checked my stats and discovered that someone* who visits my blog also visits a slightly obscure, but perfectly legal, p*rn site.

Fake b**bs one minute, sewing and vegetables the next. Hilarious.

*Don't worry, I can't tell who you are, just the site you visited before coming to see me. Your secrets are safe. Well, I guess unless I blog about them. Like I just have.

Hold the phones people, she got off the couch

This time I can honestly say that there has been no news because I HAVE BEEN DOING STUFF PEOPLE. That's right, STUFF.

I'm about half-way through a little 50s dress that I plan on wearing to the hen's night I'm going to next Wednesday. I'm cautiously optimistic that it will work out. It has a cute, fitted bodice, quite wide straps, and a full skirt with box pleats. I'm using black and white striped fabric that my darling Aunty Karen gave me.

You may be asking why am I wasting all your precious time and ruining your eyes by filling this page with words when I could just post a photo and be done. It's because the broadband has run out. Again.

Maybe I'm paranoid but I think one of our neighbours is stealing it, and even paranoid people are right sometimes you know.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

No news is good news, right?

Ummmmmm... some of you might have noticed that we should be on Sew/Sow Day 6 buuuuut it seems that I'm not.

Same old boring story of course. I'm tired and old and enjoy sitting on the couch, staring blankly into space when I get home from work.

Let's see how I do tomorrow. That's what I keep telling myself too.

PS i really should update my profile huh? Maybe something along the lines of 'moved to the country, got herself an enormous arse, sits on aforementioned arse. A LOT'.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

SewSow Day One


I designed this embroidery pattern about, oh, let's see, one million years ago. I've been meaning to get onto it. And now I will. For some reason, I'm totally avoiding my sewing machine at the moment. Not sure what's going on there, but if I'm to start making AND want to continue to avoid my machine, I'm going to be doing a lot of hand work.

And this is going to be the first project.

PS I know the bird looks a touch manicial, but I'm hoping I can make some magic happen. I mean, this is a family show, right? We can't have a bird in the middle of a bunch of pretty flowers looking like he's ready to kill. Anyone know why I'm still blathering on? No? Me neither...

PPS Ooo, one more thing - Jules and I have started watching Dead Like Me over here. Goodbye massive broadband allowance, hello enormous bottom.
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