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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Things that almost made it into my Facebook status updates this week

Sometimes my friends have no idea how considerate I am to them. This week alone I managed to (almost) stop myself from spamming them about my life via Facebook*. You, dear blog reader, have not been so lucky.

The 10 things I might have said on Facebook had some pesky sense of control not got in the way:

10. Remy is completely convinced that we do not drink cow's milk, instead we drink human's milk. It makes me picture human milking sheds. This alone is almost enough to turn me from flat whites to espressos.

9. Why was the farmer so specific about not shampooing the lamb? Why did he ban me from making her clothes? Does he give these instructions to everyone who looks after a lamb for him?

8. I don't have an attention span long enough to watch TV anymore. Not even the ads. What's next? That I won't be able to concentrate all the way through a blink?

7. Shut up body. I walked the 500 metres to the dairy. It wasn't a freaking hike up Everest.

6. Motherhood is not a good enough excuse for not showering. Ok, maybe it was when Remy was a screaming infant, but not now that the child is 3.

5. I have watched two rugby games in the past 8 weeks. I am the world's greatest girlfriend.

4. I stormed into the house of the people suspected of burgling my house and yelled at them. The Police have since reassured me that, while they are not the type of crims to stab me while I sleep, I should probably not do it again just in case. Good point Gov.

3. But the farmer didn't mention not painting the lambs hooves with pink nail polish... Megan 1, Farmer 0

2. When I casually mentioned to my mother that I was going to Wellington for the night while Remy had a sleep-over at a friend's house she gasped "But what if he wakes up? Don't do it Megan!" in the exact same tone she would use if I had said that I was leaving Remy with a pack of wolves for a week. In Christchurch. With no emergency survival kit. That woman never wants me to have any fun.

1. Looks like I'll never play Trivial Pursuit ever again. Boyfriend is a doctor and it turns out they have to know stuff. Like, lots of stuff. I'm pretty sure second year of med school must be entirely focused on memorising the cards from the Trivial Pursuit: Genius Edition.

*Is there such a thing as 'a little spamming'? Or is it like being pregnant - either you are or you aren't? If there is such a thing, then I did it. I spammed them a little bit.