A suitable craft project for an invalid.

Upcycling an old Karen Walker tshirt into a cushion cover, also making use of that denim you got as a bargain from the op shop.

1. Cut out the denim roughly the size of the cushion. Cut the tee however you like. Take everything to your mother to have her cut it all again, but this time more cushion-shaped and with straight edges.

2. Ask your dad for a hammer. Navigate around the massive gaping drain he has recently dug in the back yard to fetch the hammer from the shed. Thank god you didn't fall in the drain and dirty your last pair of clean(ish) pajamas.

3. Count the number of snap button thingies you have. Divide this number by the number of sides of the cushion. Curse your expensive-yet-clearly-inadequate girls' school education and work it out on a calculator.

4. Sit the piece of tshirt on top of the denim and make wild stabs at where the snap button thingies should go. Snip the fabric, grab the hammer, and damage the tiles around your parents' fireplace by hammering in the first button. Quickly scan imagination and come up with story about a small earthquake. That happened while they were overseas. Before they had the tiles installed around the fire. Oh shit.

5. Take everything outside very quickly while your mother is putting the chickens away in the coop for the evening, and before she can see what you have done. Preferably move everything in front of your toddler who immediately wants to help because hammering stuff is What He Lives For.

6. Negotiate hammering in the 600 other bloody snap button thingies with a 23 month old maniac holding the hammer. Kiss the ground when you get to the end and have lived. Turn to your child and check that he has also lived. Congratulate yourself on avoiding an awkward conversation with his father.

7. Take a break to watch game shows on telly.

8. Muster enthusiasm to finish project. Tell yourself that you'll whip up the rest of the cushion after the child goes to bed.

9. Feign extreme pain/breakdown/minor amputation/mental retardation in effort to convince your mother to finish project for you. Suddenly remember that this technique has not worked on her in 31 years when she is starts to ridicule you.

10. Take all parts of the unfinished project home with you and swear that you will finish it. Soon. Consider taking cunning photo of the front of the cushion to make it look like it is finished so that you can blog about it. Fail spectacularly and blog about it anyway.

Every cloud and all that.

I've not been very well these past few days. It's been a great chance to lie down and catch up on sleep. That, and I've finally done a bit more on this.

Remy's gone to stay at the farm with my parents. I've only had two texts so far. The first asked when in god's good name would the child have his daytime nap because my mother needed a break; and the second asked when the hell he would wake up because the puppy was bored and needed Remy to entertain him.

So, yes, I think I can conclude that all's well at the farm.

I'm working on getting better and will report back to y'all on what else has been happening in the van Rose household.

Flowers a la Frou Frou

 

 

 

 

 

Chook, chook, chook, chook, chook...

 

 

Get your 5+ a day right here

 

 

 

 

Down on the farm

A guy only turns one once

 

Remy had a great birthday. He got some wonderful gifts and enjoyed being the centre of attention all day. Mum whipped him up a birthday pavlova, and the family enjoyed a huge dinner (Remy was sleeping by that time, and that seemed a pity, so I had two serves of pudding - one for me, one for him).

 

Something comes over me when setting the table at my mum's. I seem to go from finding a nice table cloth, to polishing the silver candleabras in about 10 minutes. This time it went from needing the damask tabecloth, to getting out the matching napkins, then there was the 67 year old Alfred Meakin dinner set, followed closely by the silver cutlery, the crystal water jug and matching cups plus the brand new Costa Boda wine glasses. The candleabras nearly didn't make it but then I found candles in the civil defense survival kit*.

So, the table was a little over-dressed for what was supposed to be a family dinner but I don't mind. I'm thinking of it as a trial run for Christmas.

 

*and this should be reason enough for all of us to get our emergency kits together. Why don't they put that on the ads?

Remy and Sidney: how one dog was too good natured for his own good

 

On our holiday down south Remy and Sidney, the farm dog, fell totally in love with each other. Remy would pull Sidney's lips up almost over his eyes, yank his ears, chew his fur, and Sidney would give him a goofy look as if to say 'I don't know what you are or why you're doing this, but I want more'.